What’s Your Kink?: Bondage

Good morning lovelies,

I hope you’re all having a wonderful Thursday and welcome to the first in my “What’s Your Kink?” series. As you may know, I regularly examine my stats to make sure I’m hitting the mark and I know what you naughty little monkeys like to read. Well my dears, who am I to deny you? To feed your appetite. I’ve decided to crank up the heat and bring you some kinky tips and sexy stories with this exciting new series.

In these posts, I’m going to be bring you my own personal kinks, starting with some of the lighter stuff and working up to the more intense topics. I’ve worked through a copy of my BDSM checklist and highlighted my particularities, but I’m going to be drip-feeding onto my blog so as not to overwhelm you 😉 Keep in mind that I may not mention your personal kink, and if I don’t. then I apologise. We all have our own particularities, so if you’d like to write something similar about your preferences, please feel free to join in the fun.

Alright! So without further ado, I hope you enjoy this first post!

What is bondage?

Bondage is just the collective name given tying someone up. It could be with cuffs, rope, or even a robe belt or a scarf. It could be “light” with just the wrists and/or ankles, or it could be “heavy”, with complete immobilision with the body tied down at the waist, thighs, elbows, chest etc as well.

Why might someone be into bondage?

Bondage is really for people who are into giving up (or taking) control. For some people, everyday commitments can leave them feeling very stressed, and so being tied up and out of control can be extremely liberating. For other people, having someone tied up and at their mercy is kind of a break from normality. Maybe they feel powerless in their work or life, having complete control over a situation can be a euphoric experience for them.

How did you discover you were into bondage?

It started off in secondary school. Whilst my peers were just doing that snogging one another’s faces off thing, I kept having thoughts of being tied up and at the mercy of a group of guys in the woods opposite my school. For a long time, I thought that there was something wrong with me mentally, that it wasn’t normal to have thoughts like these, but then I discovered the BDSM community when I turned 18 and that all changed. I no longer felt like a freak or a weirdo, I realised that there were many, many other people like me.

As I’ve aged, I still love the feeling of a loss of control (though taking control in a BDSM setting freaks me out!). I find it so liberating to be free of all of the responsibilities and tasks that I have to do. Instead of getting stressed out, I can just be. I can’t do anything about my task list and I know that I’m with someone that I love and trust, so why spend another moment worrying about it? I might as well enjoy my evening!

Short black shibari rope gaunlet tied on my hand.
A bit short, but a rope gauntlet that I learned to tie on myself, thanks to Two Knotty Boys 🙂

Share with us a hot memory featuring bondage.

Goodness, there are so many that I couldn’t possibly share them all. I’ve written about my experience with a Transit van before, but I think besides that, just any time with bondage is a massive win for me. I love bondage, I love the feeling of freedom, if there was ever an oxymoron. Where we used to live, we had the perfect bedroom with access to the bed from all sides, so that always made things fun. I always love my sessions with Mr Wolfie, I couldn’t choose just one!

I think, though, maybe it might come from when we used to go to the BDSM club. I was acting up (brat’s gonna brat, amirite?) so he left me bound with my arms behind my back and sat in the corner. I couldn’t even make eye contact with anyone! I was so embarrassed. Bratty me kind of escalates then de-escalates in such a predicament. At first, there is the growling, snarling beast hellbent on escaping, then the subspace kicks in. Subspace is always a very peaceful, sleepy space for me. I’m aware of the things going on around me but I find it quite difficult to engage with them, I just want to relax and sleep.

Do you have a favourite toy for bondage?

Yes, I love my velcro velvet cuffs. You know, I used to think that velcro cuffs were no good for bondage, that bondage has to be a kind of go-hard-or-go-home situation, but I was wrong. Velcro cuffs are a lot easier to use (no fiddly buckles!), quicker to remove in an emergency and easier to transport for those wicked weekends away. I do love my rose printed cuffs, but they seldom come out anymore. If they did, to be honest, it’d probably be purely for photographic purposes.

Also, we have a very inconspicuous under-the-bed restraint system on our bed. Just attach the cuffs and..

What advice would you give to someone into bondage?

If you’re just starting out, don’t spend loads and maybe even consider velcro cuffs, too. Tying looks fun, but if you’ve not practiced your knots, it can go wrong (and then you need scissors and you’ll be down on a robe belt – boo!). Leather or faux leather cuffs can be fun, but they aren’t the piece de resistance of being into BDSM, unless you’ve got the space for BDSM furniture on top. When you’re practicing activities like suspension, you need something that will hold up your weight and that £12 set from Ebay probably isn’t going to cut it.

If you’re really determined to try out rope bondage, take a look at Two Knotty Boys: Showing You The Ropes, which had me tying rope gauntlets in no time. It talks you through safety, some really cool, impressive knots and some amazing harnesses and other items to tie, too. One caveat, don’t keep tying stuff with the knots you learn. It definitely does raise a few questions after a while..

How do you make bondage work, as a disabled person?

The first thing is safety and communication, which, really, is important in any scene, but perhaps even more important if you’re playing with a disabled person. Understand your partner, understand their difficulties, their needs and their limitations. For example, as someone who experiences allodynia (hypersensitive skin) on my wrist, a cuff can be extremely painful for me to wear. For this reason, we might opt for restraint further up the arm or on the elbow, or opt for a rope armbinder which doesn’t cover the wrists at all. If you have a partner who is epileptic, be sure to use quick-release restraints, such as velcro. If you have a partner with arthiritis or hypermobility, don’t force limbs into positions that are painful, or for extended periods of time. With a little creativity, it is also possible to turn aids (such as wheelchairs with the brakes engaged) into parts of a bondage experience but like in all things, safety should be paramount in what you do.

Finally, and going back again to that important point on communication, don’t forget your safeword!

Alright lovelies, I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope it soothes your cravings. Do you enjoy bondage? Why not share your thoughts in the comments?

Until next time,

Be Bold, Be Bright, Be Beautiful,

Helen xx

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