TMI Tuesday: 20th October 2020- Brain Explosion Zone

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Fill in the blank, then answer the question.

1. When and how did you discover your passion for WRITING ?

I think, for me, it started off way back when I went through therapy for Obsessive Copulsive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety. My therapist told me to try keeping a journal and, you know, I was very sure back then that nothing could help, nothing would work, I believed that I was condemned (yes, depression and anxiety can be a very dark place). I remember the first time that I sat down to write at my laptop, I had a sort of attitude of “well if I have to do this then I suppose I’d better”. For several weeks, I didn’t like journaling, but then something kind of happened, something kind of clicked. I’d have a thought, or a feeling, and I’d want to get it all down. I had to get it all down, and I loved to throw my full-throttle feelings into everything that I did. I wrote a few other pieces and showed them to people and some people said that I was an amazing writer and should considered writing long-term. At first, I didn’t really know how to blog and I can say with absolute certainty that I have made some grave mistakes along the way, but then I think we all have at some point, or in some form. I started off wanting to just write about psychology, mental health and BDSM, but then as my interests grew, I also found that more and more people were also interested in my other interests, too. Over time, I’ve found people who are interested in cooking, for example, as a primary topic, but also with a secondary interest in BDSM on top. I’ve gone from being the girl with OCD and anxiety, no friends and no place on the world stage, to somebody that so many of my readers seemingly love to read from, and in return, I love to write for them and read fom them, too. I’ve gone from being a nobody, to being a somebody, all because a few people recognised my ability to write. If that’s not a humbling experience, then frankly I don’t know what is.

2. How has BDSM changed your sex life?

It seems fitting, doesn’t it, that BDSM should be the filler for this question? A lot of people in this world are curious about BDSM, but I think a lot of people sort of don’t want to dip a toe in, usually because they just don’t know where to begin or because they are worried that it might hurt. My best advice: Right from the beginning, listen to your thoughts. Let your shared kinks and fantasies show you the way because really, there is no right order to explore things (just lots and lots of safety bits along the way). Start gently and build up the intensity only if and when you want to. Don’t compete, and that really is the most important thing. This is your journey, not anyone else’s. As for Mr Wolfie and me, I think BDSM bought us closer, much closer. It stopped me being so prudent and taught me to be a lot more forthcoming with my kinks and fantasies. Before, I would have been more “so.. umm.. I was thinking about this.. umm.. I had an ide- don’t worry, I’ll journal about it”. Now it’s a lot more “hey, so I had this thought about fucking in the woods. Wanna try it sometime?”. Now that I know he likes the way my mind works, I’m a lot less reserved about sharing what it comes up with. Thankyou, BDSM!

3. What is something unique you do to CAPTIVATE your AUDIENCE?

Truthfully, I’m known for my writing style. It’s my writing style and I get a lot of people tell me that I’m pretty unique, so hey, thankyou! With that said, I write like I’m talking to a friend, and with friends, I’m pretty playful and energetic. I can be crazy and cheeky but deep and emphatic too, and I’m unreserved in giving my audience that. I also don’t like to tell my audience like I’m delivering a long, arduous lecture, I like to teach by having a conversation, even if, in effect, your part only really comes in the comment section down below. I always read, like and reply to comments – when my settings aren’t preventing them!

Just a little more on that, growing up, I had a science teacher – let’s call him Mr R. Mr R had a way of teaching that was captivating, informative and inspiring, and I think that psychologically speaking, he inspired me too. I watched and learned from him. He was playful and sarcastic with the class, he never shouted, he was always calm and completely poised. At the same time, I had a few very shouty teachers in classes where we very rarely got work done, and where the bad kids were more about a game of Let’s All Wind Up Teach. One teacher even resorted to keeping the whole class in detention with the idea that our classmates would dole out a punishment of their own to the offending students. It didn’t work, and instead, he ended up with a room full of disruptive students and a not too friendly letter from my Mum, given that my Special Educational Needs stated that I needed regular bathroom breaks. What’s it they say? Respect isn’t given, it is earned.

4. What is the craziest SNACK you’ve eaten while SNACK TASTING?

Okay, so I had to explode poor Mr Wolfie’s brain for the blanks for this question, but we decided that this was kind of fitting in with the blog and all of the foodie bits of it, okay? Awesome.

I think for me, the craziest snack was probably the Thrills chewing gum from our Canada box. Unfortunately, I misplaced my notes before I was able to write that one up and as such, it never did get done, but Thrills chewing gum are something else.

Here’s the deal. In the UK, we have Parma Violets; little disc-shaped candies flavoured with violet flower which I incidentally love, so I thought these would be more of the same. Oh lovelies, how oh so very wrong I was. On the box, it even says “It still tastes like soap!”, but I decided hey, people say that about Parma Violets too, so let’s try.

KylekershCC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Oh Canada, I thought we were friends?

Why Canada, why would you do this to me?

If the UK could be tried for our creations of Marmite and Twiglets, then Canada’s crimes lie in Thrills chewing gum. Not only is the flavour intensely like nothing on this earth, but any time I burped or hiccupped for hours afterwards, the damn thing repeated on me. When I was young, having my mouth rinsed out with soap and water was a threatened punishment, not a chewing gum flavour. For that, I’ll stick to peppermint.

Bonus: Is there such a thing as ‘too much information’? When?

Actually, honestly, I think that yes, there possibly is. I’m networked in with a lot of other sex-positive bloggers and I’ve seen quite a few people who used to be quite candid about their love life, suddenly decide to stop sharing. To me and for me, there is always a cap off between sharing and oversharing, and that cap-off lies in letting people know that a thing went down, versus giving them a blow-by-blow summary of what happened exactly. The ones that I’ve seen quit quite unexpectedly have always fallen into the latter category, which makes you wonder if, perhaps, there isn’t such a thing as a “too much information” sentiment after all. I know that I myself have written and posted things before that I’ve taken down an hour or two later for this exact reason, though it’s never been so much that I have wanted to give up blogging entirely. The internet is an unforgiving place and I think a lot of people suddenly come to realise that absolutely anyone can read anything that you have written, at any time, and that can have unintended consequences. These days, I’m always careful to make sure that even if I am completely sex-positive, I only ever put forward the best version of myself, the version of me that I’m not ashamed of people reading. I don’t mind people knowing that I’m into BDSM, they just don’t need to read about how I do it. Sometimes, it’s good to leave a little something to the imagination.

Alright lovelies, I hope you enjoy this post and have a wonderful Tuesday afternoon/evening. I’ll be back later with my slightly delayed Halloween Countdown post for you all!

Until next time,

Be Bold, Be Bright, Be Beautiful,

Helen xx

4 thoughts on “TMI Tuesday: 20th October 2020- Brain Explosion Zone

  1. I’m so happy that writing started out as a way to help you out mentally. I started writing properly after I had to start seeing a psychologist for my depression. Because I’m horrible at communicating in real life due to my shyness, she asked me to write a poem about my feelings for each of our sessions instead. Since then, writing is how I express myself and my emotions to others. Yes, your unique writing style is definitley what makes your work stand out. I love how real/witty you are when you write, and sometimes you make me laugh out loud when I read your posts. But sometimes they make me think too. And wow – those Thrills sound awful XD.

    1. Aww, believe it or not, I used to be really shy too. In fact, I’m still prone to it now. I don’t like talking about my feelings, but I am definitely getting a lot better at it. I don’t like to think inwards, I’m terribly naughty and always put others first, which can leave me feeling depressed, underappreciated and exhausted. I know that now though and I’m careful to avoid “energy vampires”, the people who take, take, take and give nothing in return. Hehe I’m notorious for my sarcasm I admit, it just slips right out there. The difference is I think, I don’t put people down. I really don’t understand this trend of “roast battles”. Trading insults isn’t funny to me, humour should pull you up, not bring you down. I’m never sarcastic if somebody is having a tough time but I will try to help them laugh at the situation.

      Let me take you back to my high school again for a second here, back then, I was not a very smiley student. I was unpopular and forgettable and my goal was always just to get my work done and get out of there. I had two science teachers for a time, Mr Rught and Mr F. Mr R taught biology and physics and Mr F taught chemistry. Mr F was from New York, and he could never understand why students weren’t smiling, laughing and having fun, with me as a particular exception. Anyway, many a time I used to walk into his class and he’d see how miserable and downtrodden I looked, son he’d say something to the effect of “smile, Helen!”, which as you can imagine, did more to worsen my mood than it did to improve it. In the end, I remembered a trick my father taught me and I remembered the power of visualisation, so before class, I would imagine him being steamrolled in a very comical way then me looking at him and saying “smile, Mr F!”. At parents evening, he told my parents that I’d been happier in his class lately, so my Mum explained it to him. I was mortified but he laughed so hard that he almost fell off of his chair.

      My point is, just laugh. When you can laugh with one or two people, nobody really notices that you prefer to avoid the crowds 🙂

      1. Wow, what a great story! I’m happy that Mr. F was able to see the humour in it in the end. It is okay to be shy, and it does help you to stay away from energy vampires. I just used to be so shy when I was younger that I found it difficult to communicate in general. I’m glad that you stay away from the people that drain you and just spend time with the people that you can laugh with. It’s certainly better to have a small amount of great people around you rather than lots that may not all be nice.

      2. Absolutely! I definitely learned the hard way my “friends” might not be my friends, and the people who really are my friend might not seem so much like friends at all. Real friends don’t care if you can barely get out of bed, they’re just happy to hear you’re still alive.

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