Why Would Someone In Pain Want To Be In Even MORE Pain?

Created with Crello for bigboldandbright.com

Good afternoon lovelies,

After much deliberation and planning, I’ve made the really exciting decision to write about kink and disability on my blog. It’s taken some chewing over to work out how best to tackle this but I’m going to be partnering with my real-life friend Bill, of Rope & Roses, to help provide you with all sorts of resources and insights. Is there something that we can help you with? Do leave your thoughts in the comments!

Just recently, my disabilities have been quite a prevalent on my blog . Indeed,my Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy puts me through large amounts of pain on a daily basis, and even as I write this, my wrist is arguing with me, demanding that I stop and give in. Of course, I’m tenacious, and if my body tells me that I can’t do something – well, that’s usually all the more reason for me to try and push it!

For a lot of people, the idea that someone with a chronic pain condition could possibly want more pain seems contradictory. Why would you take painkillers to ease your pain if you’ll just want more pain later on? Why not just have the pain you started with?

First of all, we need to focus on the two different kinds of somatic pain – deep somatic pain and superficial somatic pain. Deep somatic pain is the kind of pain that involves broken bones, sprains and strains, and superficial somatic pain involves cuts, scrapes and bruises. One can take weeks or even months to heal, and the other generally feels better within a matter of a few hours or a few days.

The next thing we need to understand is consent. Consent in BDSM is so vitally important to what we do and our scene play simply cannot live without it, but what doesn’t care if you give your consent to the pain it inflicts or not? Chronic pain.

Chronic pain doesn’t care if you only want one type of pain, only lightly, or only in one place. Chronic pain causes deep somatic pain wherever it wants to hurt you, for as long as it wants to hurt you and for so long as it takes for it to be satisfied. Chronic pain doesn’t care if you’ve had enough, it will continue until it’s finished with you. Chronic pain will carry on hurting you deep inside your body until you’re defeated, broken, sleepless and depressed.

Chronic pain doesn’t care if you call red, safewords don’t matter here. Chronic pain is like the big, bad, abusive “dom” that all of the good kinksters warned you about. It doesn’t care about you, you are there for it’s enjoyment, totally at its mercy, and you will pay. Chronic pan conditions cause uncontrolled deep somatic pain.

I’ve lived with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy for the past 18 years. RSD does not care about my limits, if it wants to make my knee hurt sharply, it will. If it wants to humiliate me by making my hand spasm suddenly, involuntarily shaking my my mug and causing to spill hot tea over myself in front of my family or friends, it’ll do that also. There are many other chronic pain conditions which cause symptoms like my own including arthiritis, fibromyalgia, Multiple Sclerosis and so on. In all of these conditions, there are dozens of otherwise kinky people who most likely feel limited and humiliated by their condition.

With BDSM, my experience is entirely different. I can choose where the pain is, I can choose (at least to some extent) what the pain is like or how hard it’s going to be. I have control over what I want to experience in my BDSM scenes, unlike I do with RSD. Even if I don’t make the rules, I still have some control. The pain I experience in BDSM play is controlled superficial somatic pain. It’s controlled because I can make it all stop by saying just one simple word – Red.

When my pain is really, really bad, we don’t play. It’s one thing to enjoy pain, but if you’re already suffering and miserable then even more pain can be the last thing you want. It’s not about having pain regardless, it’s about having pain only if I want it, where I want it, when I want it and how I want it. BDSM is as much about trust and communication as it is about ropes and handcuffs, aid if I say that I’m in too much pain, then we simply cancel our session. BDSM sessions do get cancelled sometimes, and a flare-up of a health condition is totally an acceptable reason!

Playing when you suffer from a pain condition can also require considerations sometimes. For me, I suffer with allodynia caused by my Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy which makes the skin on my affected limbs really sensitive to touch. A pair of fluffy handcuffs on my wrist can be excruciating and even a feather duster can feel sharp and scratchy. Because of that, my good Sir might immobilise my arms at the elbow, where I don’t experience nearly so much pain. He might also use mental bondage instead to restrain me. More recently, we’ve found that lighter velcro cuffs are more comfortable for me than leather restraints.

Disabilities absolutely shouldn’t exclude you from any kinky bedroom activities. Your conditions and illnesses don’t need to prevent your scene play and the pain you experience shouldn’t necessarily be the only pain you receive. Disabilities can be managed in a BDSM scene, they may just require a bit of thinking ahead.

Do you have a disability that impacts your BDSM play? Would you be willing to discuss it further on my blog as part of an informative series to help other readers? Leave me a comment down below or contact me and I shall be all too happy to feature you!

Hugs & kinky cuddles,

Helen xx

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply